literature

Ella's God-sister 2nd Revision

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Literature Text

"Ella, Ella, dear, please stop crying." I looked at my best friend, who was currently sobbing, and sporting a hand print on her cheek.  I've always been an older sister figure to Ella, and it hurts me when she hurts. Ella is about 21, and I, at 35, am a good bit older.

But I knew her father, and my parents were her Godparents. I've always loved my God-sister, as did my family, and we are always here for her when she needs away from her step-mother and -sisters. They are, without a doubt, some of the most horrible people you'd ever meet, to abuse a girl such as Ella. And I had no doubt her stepmother had put that handprint on her.  As Ella dried her tears, I questioned her.
"Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" My God-sister nodded, and she told me everything.

"Well I had just finished the cleaning, and the mailman was at the door." That would explain the sweat pants and old shirt.
"And so I answered the door, and the mailman gave me four invitation to Justin's party, which my stepmother's confiscated and won't let me go!" I knew why the step mother wouldn't want Ella to go, her father's will said as long as she was unmarried, she was to live with her stepmother, and the bitch would get money to support the family with. If Ella gets to be social, she might fall in love and get married. I understood how that bitch's mind worked. But I had something up my sleeve.

I had my invite, from Justin's older brother Thomas, my best friend.  He had asked me to chaperone, as a bunch on newly-able-to-drink young adults could get messy. I knew Ella wouldn't get in any trouble, she was a good girl, and I would be there to help. The only thing in the way was her stepmother.

"And she slapped you for wanting to go?" Ella nodded.
"And then she ripped up my invitation!"
"Well, Ella, let me see if I can if I get you into this party, ok?" My God-sister's face lit up at the prospect of seeing her old friend, who I was pretty sure she was in love with, just as I adored Thomas.
"Thank you Dianna!" Ella threw her arms around my neck, and we hugged tightly.

Ella left with my promise to call her after asking about the party. And gathering my courage, I called Thomas. Three rings later, he final answered, and I explained my dilemma.

"Thomas, its Dianna."
"What can I do for you Di?"
"You remember Ella, my god-sister, right?"
"She's Justin's best friend, of course. What's wrong?"
"Her stepmother got a hold of her invite and shredded it."
"Oh. I'll get an invite with Ella's name on it to your house, ok?"
"That'll be perfect! Thanks."

Justin and Thomas lived in the largest mansion in town, they were the  ones every girl and a few guys were secretly in love with. They had been named the city's "Most Wanted", with their fortune and looks.  

But Thomas and I had always been good friends, ever since grade school where I had beat up a boy for being racist.  Yes, Justin and Thomas were "black" (and several other words) but they were my friends first and foremost. Thomas had defended me when the teacher ran over, and so we were safe from any punishment, and a friendship started to form. It didn't matter that my daddy worked for his daddy, or that we were different races.

When he had a girl ask him out, I played the part of the questioning sister, and he looked over all my potential boyfriends just like an older brother would. When one of us was hurt, the other healed and comforted. We've always considered it a good friendship, but lately; on my side it had become something more.

That afternoon passed without much more drama. I snuck a call to Ella telling her she was able to go.  
"Ella?"
"Yeah Di?"
"I've got your grocery list at my house, I'll keep it for you, alright?" I wouldn't put it beyond her stepmother to listen in.
"Ok, thanks. I'll see if I can make another copy here, and I can call you to make sure I've got everything, right?"
"Of course."

That told me she had some problems, she would need to get ready somewhere else, and I know her wardrobe, she'd need something to wear.

And I awoke the next morning to a knock of apartment door. There stood Thomas, with his cheeky grin. Looking like a mess, I let him in, and asked him if he wanted breakfast.
"Still sleeping Di?" I nodded, blushing a bit.
"That's why I look like a mess. You woke me up." He shook his head, laughing.
"Di, you look fine, quit worrying."

This was the start of the awkward lull that had a place in our recent conversations. The one that made me think he returned my feelings, but I couldn't be sure. So, I never did anything that might lose me my best friend.
True to how I knew him, Thomas didn't turn down breakfast, but he insisted that it didn't happen in my kitchen. He made me get showed and dressed, and took me out to my favorite little place.

It was a cute little mom-and-pop café, which a nice elderly Asian couple owned. They knew what we ordered, as Thomas treated me quite often.  We enjoyed a nice breakfast of muffins and juice. We sat a four person table him in one seat and me right next to him. We put our heads together, and I leaned on his shoulder.

The wife would give us our bill, and, as always, Thomas left them a large tip. We left to wander aimlessly through the small town style part of the city. I dragged him into numerous book stores, to adore first editions and antique pages. Slowly weaving our way back to my house he then dropped me at my apartment, and we said good bye.
Suddenly, his car turned around and started heading back.  He got out and ran towards me.
"Di! Nearly forgot this!" He told me as he handed me Ella's invite. We then repeated our goodbyes and he drove off.

My afternoon was spent taking Ella shopping for something to wear to the party. We excitedly, wove through rows of clothes, looking for something perfect.  She fell in love with a dress the shade of pink in a sunset, and we found a matching set of heels. I dropped her off at her house, (I couldn't call it a home,) and went to take her outfit home with me.

I'm not usually an impulsive person, but right then, I was. I spun around, making an illegal U-turn back to that house. I marched right up to the door, and pounded on it. Ella answered and step aside, not knowing why I looked so angry. Her overly botox-ed stepmother came floating down the stairs, with a surprised look on her face.

"Dianna, may I ask what you're doing here?" "Cut the cordial crap with me." I stormed to meet her halfway up the stairs. I looked in the eye, and gave her a handprint worse than Ella's. She couldn't speak.  "If you say a word about that, I'll give them every piece of dirt on you I've got." And then my trump card. "Do you know what your husband's will says?" Again, just silence. "It says if Ella's not happy here, my home can quickly replace yours." She paled at this, and regained her usual anger. "You wouldn't dare!" "I would." I stormed out, knowing I couldn't quite yet take Ella with me, and praying that bitch wouldn't do much.

The week seemed to drag on and on, filled with lawyers; the stepmother's  reps and mine, arguing in court about tiny details, until finally the judge ruled in my favor.  I could get Ella on Friday.

Finally it was Friday the day of the party, and Ella's move. Ella met me and the movers at her front door with a tear stained face, and a new haircut. Her gorgeous brown hair was now gone, messily sheared off. Let me tell you, I was about to smack someone again, but decided I better not. I ushered her into my car giving the movers a chance to get everything in peace, as Ella's "family" was gone for the day.

I called the one person I knew could save Ella's hair, a very nice guy that I went to high school with. "Kyle, we've got a problem." I told him everything.
"Ella-my god sister - her stepmother forcibly gave her a new haircut."
"Bring her right over; I'll see what I can do."

And he was a miracle worker. Ella and I left with her hair in a short boyish cut, one that would offset her pink outfit perfectly. Then, being the women we are, we spent the next two hours getting ready. I wore a bright purple shirt with a little black skirt, and matching purple heels.

As we drove up to Thomas and Justin's house, we could hear the bass. I showed our invites at the gate, and parked the back, as was my right as a chaperone. I found Thomas's 6'3" frame immediately, and he saw me, so we met in the middle of the dance floor.  
"Ella looks radiant, as do you." He had to yell to be heard, so he took my arm and guided me past the entrance, into his house. I heard a familiar giggle, and my eyes found Ella and Justin already out in the gardens, both looking so in love.

Oh, how I wanted what they had! But just as the fairy in Cinderella's tale, my job here was done. I had gotten Ella's fairy tale ending, and the godmother was forgotten by the young woman she helped, and so I thought, was I.
"Di? What are you talking about?"
"I said that out loud, didn't I?" he nodded, and I did the stupidest thing I've ever done... Throwing my arms around my best friend's neck, I kissed him.

Ella's adjustment was perfect. She and Justin were engaged a few weeks later, and a couple months later, at their wedding, Thomas got down on one knee, and it wasn't to tie his shoe either. We're planning our wedding, and Ella and Justin are thinking they're expecting their first child.

And, as they say in fairy tales- everyone lived happily ever after.
My 2nd revision of this piece, and hopefully a much better one.
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NekoChanTheKitty's avatar
Other than the paragraph-dialogue-line thing VivaFariy mentioned, I didn't find anything wrong with this. You did an excellent job staying true to the Cinderella story (I have read versions where there was indeed abuse involved - not everything is singing mice and fairy godmothers, after all) while at the same time telling it from another character's point of view. Dianna is just so likeable and sweet! It's often hard to do a story that focuses on one character but has another as the hero, and I think you've done a great job. ^_^ Keep it up! I'd love to see more from you!